The universe is a cannibal. I am convinced of this. The Elder Gods are bad for sure, but we are no different from them. Alfred Lawson, founder of Lawsonomy, talks about vegetarianism in his book "Manlife" as a way for us to no longer be cannibals. See, Lawson believed that simply eating animal flesh was cannibalistic. He talks about this in more detail in his book "Born Again" where the protagonist has a sort of vision or dream where he is an animal being hunted for sport and meat. But, although I agree with Lawson to a degree, I would argue that all consumption might very well be cannibalistic when you take into account that New Age notion that "we are just the universe experiencing itself."
It's time to face facts; all living creatures are cannibals. If not for the taste of flesh, then for other sensations of taste. To control people, systems, animals, and even nature. Try as we might, and as much as we'd like to think otherwise, all life depends on extracting the lives of other living beings and entities. I don't think of this as any sort of stunning new revelation, or, as a new concept, but I feel it's worth pointing out for the sake of genuine thought and consideration. I feel like it helps paint a picture to what the threshold of life is, and, to how we exist in our current meat-bag forms. Chaos and Control are just forms of cannibalism; two monsters fighting each other for dominance so the other can do what it likes.
"Dog-eat-dog world" might be the biggest understatement in human history. "Survival of the fittest" is most definitely also be an understatement. As advanced as we are with technology, politics, human rights, etc., we exist only in a bubble of time. All systems will eventually collapse, and all we will have left (well the survivors of the collapse anyway) will be their primal instincts. Nature, or, whatever we might call or consider nature, doesn't play favorites at all. Doom is around every corner, and every second you take a breath you have somehow dodged the bullet that would have led to your demise.
The Rebel Gods, those immature and trouble-making deities who dare defy their Elders, are freer than most, but are still no different in essence, but, they have a powerful defense mechanism. Although they still live to destroy and conquer, they possess a powerful sense of humor. They can see the universe for what it is; a big joke. Existence itself is goddamn hilarious when you really stop and think about it. The struggle and strain of trying to get by. The painful groaning of waking up from a deep and wonderful rest just to trudge through the muck of society. It's all so fucking funny I wish I were dead sometimes.
So we're almost in March of this year. I haven't done too much to push forward this year because 2018 left me feeling tired and defeated. After some self-reflection, I finally came to the conclusion that my suffering was self-inflicted. I literally lived out 2018 as a form of punishment from myself, to myself. I took on too much responsibility, placed bets I shouldn't have gambled on, and aimed for goals that were unattainable. I was so overwhelmed with pain and burden around November and December I actually considered just ending it all. I remember being at the train station and thinking to myself, "You know, this could all be over if I just took three steps forward when that train pulls into the station."
But instead of walking onto the tracks myself, I pushed "Bob" onto the oncoming train. His screams of pain melted away the burden in my heart.
Like any half-minded neophyte knows in the Church of the SubGenius knows, killing the High Epopt is a right of passage. You can't expect to evolve into your next mind-bending mutation without killing "Bob", it would just be too foolhardy to try! Every yeti at some point has to kill "Bob", because he decrees it to be so, and to benefits are just too great to resist. A humble Christian might say, "simply pray and give your pain to God", but the SubGenius says "make "Bob" experience your pain! He might actually enjoy it!"
It's a sort of cleansing ritual, I suppose.
Apparently he was at the station waiting for the same train. He was headed into Manhattan for a meeting with some interdimensional fluoride dealers. As it turns out, the Elder Gods and various other entities consume our earthly poisons like nutritional supplements and vitamins, and fluoride is a popular thirst quencher. I guess the Elder Gods drink fluoride like we drink Gatorade.
Well, having gone through this sacred stepping stone of killing J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, I found myself smiling. I must've had that big dumb grin on my face for hours. All I could do was laugh. I just continued with my day like it didn't even occur. I think I ended up getting ice cream to cheer myself up.What the hell was I thinking? Who knows really. It just seemed so easy in that moment. I'm pretty happy I didn't go through with it though I guess. I feel like "Bob" is also happy with me, all things considered.
But instead of walking onto the tracks myself, I pushed "Bob" onto the oncoming train. His screams of pain melted away the burden in my heart.
Like any half-minded neophyte knows in the Church of the SubGenius knows, killing the High Epopt is a right of passage. You can't expect to evolve into your next mind-bending mutation without killing "Bob", it would just be too foolhardy to try! Every yeti at some point has to kill "Bob", because he decrees it to be so, and to benefits are just too great to resist. A humble Christian might say, "simply pray and give your pain to God", but the SubGenius says "make "Bob" experience your pain! He might actually enjoy it!"
It's a sort of cleansing ritual, I suppose.
Apparently he was at the station waiting for the same train. He was headed into Manhattan for a meeting with some interdimensional fluoride dealers. As it turns out, the Elder Gods and various other entities consume our earthly poisons like nutritional supplements and vitamins, and fluoride is a popular thirst quencher. I guess the Elder Gods drink fluoride like we drink Gatorade.
Well, having gone through this sacred stepping stone of killing J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, I found myself smiling. I must've had that big dumb grin on my face for hours. All I could do was laugh. I just continued with my day like it didn't even occur. I think I ended up getting ice cream to cheer myself up.What the hell was I thinking? Who knows really. It just seemed so easy in that moment. I'm pretty happy I didn't go through with it though I guess. I feel like "Bob" is also happy with me, all things considered.
I spent January of this year, and most of February, simply recovering. I had a few drinks, smoked a few smokes, and just recovered. I also did a lot of thinking, and I took in a lot of advice that was given to me by good friends. I was also reflective on the tribulations of the people around me, and the strife they were going through. You see, I have one dear friend of mine who is going through chemotherapy right now. Actually, as I type this she's currently in the ER. She's very, very ill and somehow she still maintains a positive attitude even though her condition isn't very good at the moment. Also, another friend of myself lost all her worldly possessions and her pets to a fire. It's very tragic and it pains my heart to know that these two wonderful and amazing people are going through such bullshit.
Currently, I'm in the process of burying old dreams. There are just some goals I can't really aim for right now. I'm calling it quits, and I'm happy with that actually. It's a great sense of relief. Now I can reconfigure my existence into a new incarnation so I can mutate into something more beautiful than what I am right now. As it stands, I feel like an empty husk, devoid of sensation and joy. I'm nowhere near as nihilistic as I was last year, but I'm still recovering from my sad adventures. I don't feel refreshed, but I want to feel refreshed. For a longtime I feel like I was building a life on a foundation of misguided hopes and the dreams of others. Still I find myself trying to be someone I'm not because of fear. Fear of failure but also fear of success. I presently float around in a humble and uncharismatic life, and I don't think it's too greedy to ask for more.
First Church of Dana Scully, Scientist Membership Cards Now Available!
After a great delay, the First Church of Dana Scully, Scientist now has membership cards available for those who would like to join and celebrate Her Cosmic Cuteness, Dana Scully. I'm pretty excited about this because I helped with the design of these cards. There are of course two holy books available as well. The cards by themselves are $5, while the books are $7.50 and $12 I believe (the prices are different for anyone living outside the US.)
If you are interested, please check out FirstChurchDSS and don't forget to join the Facebook Group!
My photos of Downtown Manhattan (2018)
These are some pictures I took when I was walking around my neighborhood in Downtown Manhattan. I really miss living around there; I was so spoiled. All of the amazing bookstores, comic shops, and street art. Where I am in Queens is nice, but, it lacks a certain faded luster. Give me the old lived in grime of NYC anyday.
My Recent Doodles
A few weeks back I had some free-time in the evening to actually sit down with my sketchbook and draw. I wanted to take requests, but as you can see my skills are limited. I still have trouble drawing women. It's really terrible because all I want to do is draw beautiful women! I'm pretty good at drawing creatures though, I can say that about myself with pride.
Just a few thoughts on "Toxic Crusaders" (1991)
One of my favorite cartoon series is "Toxic Crusaders". I might have mentioned that before, but I consider this series flawless for what it was trying to do. I love the characters, settings, simple morals, and the humor. It was more a slapstick show than an action series, and I really like it more for that reason. It knew it's premise was ridiculous (that premise being taking an gory 80's film and mutating it into a eco-friendly 90's cartoon) and it just ran with it.
Here are some highlights:
Bimbette
Bimbette only appears in the first episode, and I believe she's the stand-in for Julie from the original "Toxic Avenger" film. She's a bully, but look at her amazing design. I believe there was supposed to be a figure of her (along with Yvonna, Toxie's Mom, Polluto, and Snail Man) but there was sadly never a second line of Toxic Crusaders figures.
Blobbie
Blobbie is the cutest thing ever animated in the '90's. He's just a snarling, burping, clump of hair who really serves no purpose in any episode other than to be the pet and companion to the Crusaders. I feel like every moment Blobbie is on screen is a moment of pure beatific zen.
Polluto
Polluto is one of the very few Troma Kaiju, and is the only one who is animated. A giant burbling oil slick dragon, Polluto can't really be destroyed, only defeated. The Crusaders beat him with kitty litter in the first episode (and the NES game), but he returns just a few episodes later in "Club Fred."
Dr. Killemoff
A pollution powered Yuppie from planet Smogula, Dr. Killemoff is the CEO of Apocalypse Inc., and he plans to pollute the world so that the rest of the Smogulan race can come and make the earth their new home and vacation destination.
Czar Zolster
Czar Zolster is, presumably, the emperor of the Smogulan race and he will often communicate with Dr. Killemoff via hologram. He's short, whiny, but all-powerful (maybe? it's never made clear.)
Smogulans
Smogulans are roach-like humanoids who wear bathrobes and thrive in pollution. They seem pretty easy-going, but are also quite greedy.
I think this Smogulan stewardess is really pretty 💘
Melvin Junk, The Toxic Crusader ("Toxie")
Toxie is a former janitor at the Tromaville Gym who was accidentally dunked into a barrel of Grusolium-90, the deadliest toxic chemical known to man. But instead of killing him, the Grusolium-90 made him a hideously deformed creature of super-human size and strength.
Mayor Grody
Grody is the corrupt mayor of Tromaville. He's a fat, disgusting slob who will do anything to maintain his power. He's employed by Apocalypse Inc., but it's an unofficial partnership. I feel like he is the overshadowing spirit of all politicians everywhere.
While I was rewatching the series on Amazon Prime, it was revealed at the NY Toy Fair that Super7 would be releasing a NEW Toxie figure based on the Playmates design in their own MOTU sculpt. I'm really happy about this because Blobbie is also making a return! He looks like he'll be glow-in-the-dark like his original figure!
These M. U. S. C. L. E. styled Crusaders look great. I want like, a buck of these guys.
I'm not sure if I should admit this, but I actually have a little bag of tiny figures I carry around with me, and one of them is Blobbie. Look at this guy, he glows like a champ!
"Toxic Tutu" (2017)
Speaking of Troma and The Toxic Crusaders, there's a new documentary coming out that I'm sure is on every Toxie fans radar! A release I've been looking forward to for a while now is "Toxic Tutu", which stars the original mop-boy himself Mark Torgl! It's on Amazon right now for pre-orders I believe so be sure to check it out. I'm definitely getting my copy!
Happy John Frum Day!
On February 15th, the people of the John Frum Movement (JFM) celebrated John Frum day, and so did I actually. I was at work, but while I was there I was in deep thought about John Frum and his promises to return one day to the island of Tanna.
Custom is very important to the JFM, which means maintaining the old ways so that they can hand them down to future generations, but more, I feel like it means to protect yourself from forced change from an outside party (like how many of the islanders were forced to become Christian because of missionaries before the US showed up on Tanna during WWII.)
Personally I feel like the people on Tanna live in paradise, and they shouldn't be wasting their prayers for American goods. As a Cargo Cult, they want salvation to come from John Frum and the US, but I feel like the US being on Tanna would just destroy and over complicate their lives on Tanna.
John Frum though, being a volcano dwelling spirit who can turn into a tiger, may very well exist in his own space, much like other deities. He has a familiar aura that surrounds him. I wonder if he smokes a pipe.
"Feeders" 1 & 2 (Polonia Bros., 1996 & 1998)
So I watched "Feeders" and most o "Feeders 2: Slay Bells", and you guessed it, I love them both. I love these sort of z-grade bad movies; but I hate calling these bad! I found them both interesting and entertaining. The Feeders themselves, a race of tiny aliens who eat humans, are just the cutest. I don't think there's a third Feeders film, but I would for the Polonia Bros. to make one now if that's possible; but I would only accept it as a true sequel if it was filmed with the same exact camera these were!
The weird thing about these two films is that the first one is a semi-serious horror thriller, but the second one is a complete farce. "Feeders 2: Slay Bells" is an almost totally sincere Christmas special AND A SEQUEL! It's actually pretty similar to "Gremlins 2: The New Batch" if you squint hard enough.
Check out these amazing screen-caps without context!
(watch the above video for a MAJOR "Feeders 2" spoiler)
I rewatched "The Maxx" (MTV, 1995)
"The Maxx" was a really influential and special series to me growing up. Both the comic and the animated series left an impact on my psyche. I recently re-watched the series and I'm happy to report it holds up pretty well! What aged the best is the art direction and voice acting, but the story ends abrudptly because of the short length of the series. At only 13 episodes the story feels unfinished, but they do a pretty good job at trying to give a happy ending to some of the main cast. I just have to re-read the comic series now. I'm sure it's out on paperback or something.
Currently reading "NEIGHBORWORLD" by Dave Deluca, (SubGenius Foundation, 2017)
"Neighborworld" is a very strange scfi-fi novel by "Lonesome Cowboy Dave" Deluca. It's also the first book printed by the SubGenius Foundation. It's pretty great, although I'm having trouble reading it. You can't rush through this book. It's not really because it's so complex, but more because the characters speak in a strange lingo that I'm not used to. I don't think anyone is! Well... maybe Lonesome Cowboy Dave is. Maybe this lingo resembles his advanced thought patterns!
I don't want to give away any details of the book, but I will say there's something very cyberpunk about it. Somewhere between "Blade Runner", "Alphaville", and even"Super Mario Bros: The Movie".
Be sure to give it a read. I hear the ending is pretty wild.
"Missile to the Moon Spider" by Angela K. H. Long (2019)
So I love old sci-fi movies from a certain era. Anything film that involves giant creatures harassing beautiful women is absolutely my jam, and one of my favorite creature designs is the giant spider from "Missile to the Moon". My wonderful and beautiful friend Angela drew this commission for me, which is the same image I use on Twitter and Mastadon.
How did she manage to make the moon spider so cute? LOOK AT THOSE PUPPY DOG EYES!!
Stained-Glass "Bob" by Stephanie Fuchser
The sacred visage of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs has graced many t-shirts, sculptures, drawings, flyers, etc., and now through the talents of my friend Stephanie, the High Epopt is now a beautiful and masterful stained-glass (Stang-glassed?) window. Steph makes all sorts of beautiful art like this, and I'm just shocked she isn't world famous yet. Or maybe she is and I just don't know about it yet.
"Garfknight" by Sommerjam (@sommerjam)
So here's a fun thing that happened to me. An artist by the name of Sommerjam on Twitter was having a raffle give away for one of his prints of the "Garfknight" and I won! I was pretty stoked when I won. The last time I ever won anything online it was for a bunch of stickers from Top Ramen on Facebook, so Sommerjam is in good company.
I actually received my "Garfknight" print today, but I need to buy a frame for it. Come to think of it I don't own many prints so I'm not even sure what to do with it, but hanging it up on the wall seems like the right thing to do.
Stinkbomz - "Squirmy" (TOMY)
My only recent toy purchase was this cute little stinker named "Squirmy". He's from a line of toys called Stinkbomz. He makes 3 different fart noises (so futuristic) and lives in a green cartoon bomb. There is a little bit of a smell to him, but it's actually kind of pleasant. Reminds me of opening up a can of coffee or something. It's probably something absolutely foul but I'm so disgusting Squirmy is probably a bed of roses compared to my surroundings.
Squirmy is really cute, and I like to keep him in my bag.
Meet my new best pal, Squirmy, from the Stink Bomz line of dolls. He's adorable, talks in fart noises, and smells like peanuts or something lol pic.twitter.com/i3NMLoUnJn— Reverend Guimo 👽⛪ (@ReverendGuimo) February 23, 2019
Full Moon Stars follow me on Twitter!
I've been graced by two amazing thespians from one of the greatest creature companies on the planet, Full Moon Features. The Imp, from "Soroity in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama follows me on Twitter and I find it amazing. Amazing that the Imp has a Twitter account, and amazing that he follows me of all people! Truly, I am humbled.
And actually, I just found out from Uncle Impie himself that the original title for his feature film debut was supposed to be "The Imp"! Both titles are good, but I feel like the original poster has a great deal more personality to it. I wonder if a colorized version of it exists somewhere.
The Gingerweed Man follows me as well. I'm not too familiar with his work, but I have seen the first three Evil Bong movies and the first two Gingerdead Man movies. I guess at some point there was a crossover that I missed. I really have to get back to watching Full Moon movies. I think they have several streaming services, so maybe I'll subscribe to one.
I really hope that other Full Moon stars will follow me. Don't tell anyone, but I'm a big fan of Batty Boop from the Killjoy series.
Actually, now that I think about it, I just remembered there's a Batty Boop statue I have to purchase. I know there's one for the Gingerweed Man, but where my Uncle Impie statue!?
Craig's Dungeon
I know this is just a single image from a non-existant game, but I want it to be real so bad it hurts. I don't even remember where I found this image! It was just in my phone for some reason. I must have saved it off of Twitter or Facebook or somewhere like that. All I know is that I want to fight Boglins with the Glave from Krull!!
Ultra Shaggy
The memeification and deification of classic wholesome cartoon characters continues. I think it was a post or two ago I mentioned Ugandan Knuckles and Big Chungus Bugs as new gods for all to worship and enjoy, but recently, since my last post anyway, there was a wave of Shaggy memes where he's portrayed as some sort of angry god by way of "Dragon Ball Super". I don't get it, but I love it.
Some of the art involved in this meme is truly amazing, like the one above. There was a failed but amazing campaign to get Shaggy in some Mortal Kombat game too. It failed only because the WB didn't want to give the license to Midway. At least that's what I heard.
So with Shaggy, we now have a new god in the pantheon of meme deities.
I wonder who could be next...
Beware Theater with Arachna of the Spider People
So I've been watching Beware Theater for a few months now. It's a good and very consistent show. I feel like a new episode uploads onto YouTube every couple of weeks. I know I've mentioned it in the past, but if you love horror hosts and classic b-movie cinema, you should subscribe and give it a watch. The movies are fun, Arachna of the Spider People is a beauty to behold, and Deadly the Skeleton sidekick is chock full of charisma.
DOBBS.TOWN on Mastadon
And before I end this post I'd just like to give my thanks to my wonderful yetikin over at Dobbs.Town. Without their guidance, wisdom, and [redacted] I don't know where I'd be. Just a reminder; if you'd like to join in on the fun and merriment in Dobbs.Town, first you have to join The Church of the SubGenius! Become ordained today!
