How To Survive Ego Death: A Personal Perspective

The past few years have been awful. Just like, the absolute era of my life. I would hazard a guess that many of you have felt similarly, for all sorts of different reasons. Alternatively, I hope a lot of you have had a wondrous and fantastic time; unfortunately I did not. And there are differing reasons for that to be sure, and if I could go back and change it all I would. Maybe. At my current vantage point, I wonder if I would choose to go back and change anything because I am personally going through a shift in my life that I actually like, and things are so hopeful now that the absolute obliteration of everything I ever loved and cared for seems to have been worth it. 

That's not to say I'm happy for all the sour feelings, strained friendships, and total sense of loss I feel, but there is something refreshing in having a totally clean slate to work off of. Tearing apart and throwing away all of the things that held my life together like glue was extremely, painfully difficult, even if I knew it had to be done. I am a whole person, and I am incapable of robotizing my emotions. I hold sensitive feelings towards those I love, and even particular items; and even if both of those are incapable of feeling the same way towards me I can't help how I feel towards them.

The world I wanted to live and grow old and die in has already gone and died without me. Familiar faces gone, loves of my life have moved on, folks I worked with have advanced in their paths far beyond my reach, and some friends I have simply lost touch with even if we are all more connected now than we have ever been. No amount of wishful thinking, nostalgia, toys, comics, trading cards or junk food can help fill the void I have felt. I sit in abject loneliness, in a void where I once lived my life, seemingly defeated. 

As stated earlier though, in spite of my own feelings, I have been given a second chance for what feels like the fourth or fifth time in my life. Somehow though I feel like this time the second chance will stick. There is an idiotic force of confidence you can latch onto when you have nothing else. It isn't a feeling too dissimilar to invulnerability. In my current state I feel invincible because I have literally nothing else to lose! I'm not even looking to fight my way to the top because I don't think I was ever there to begin with! I have always existed in confusion and it is through the acceptance of confusion that I think I will be able to survive best. 

That's just me though. You might not enjoy being confused all the time, but however you choose to cope through your own downfall is your business really. At this present moment, as I write this, I have no plans. None. Zero. And to be honest, that's fine for now. You don't always need a goal to keep going, all you have to do is go. Enjoy the time you have with yourself, and don't feel pressured to be sociable if you don't want to be. Go to new places, take weird changes, manipulate how you take in information and readjust your view on reality. Grab a blanket and some snacks and quest into the unknown and do something that your now dead-self would be too chicken shit to try!

If you don't matter to yourself then you will never matter at all. Maybe. You might also matter to someone else. But maybe not. In either case do something that has heft to it, something dramatic. You don't have to tell people what you did, but you can if you'd like of course, but whatever it is make sure it holds some significance to you personally. Sing, dance, get a tattoo, ask someone out on a date (or multiple someones), wear a dumb tie, or whatever. 

If that doesn't tickle your fancy, talk to your friends, or your one friend, or even that co-worker you don't really care much for. Literally find anyone so you don't get trapped in your own thoughts! The contrast is good and healthy! FORCE YOURSELF TO TALK TO PEOPLE! Honestly, in most cases you'll be glad you did. You may even make a friend or two.

Observe all the good shit in your life. You got some for sure, but you might be resentful you don't have a lot more of it, but at least you have some. Become aware of all that stuff because you might not have a lot of it now, but if one day it were to vanish the feeling of loss will devastate you. 

Another thing you should do, as a form of self care, is drink water. Like, drink a lot of water. It's good for you, helps your metabolism, and right now you're probably not getting enough water as you might need. That's probably a statistic; look it up. Water tastes great too, especially seltzer. Try Liquid Death if you can find it, it has a nice mellow fizz and it mutilates thirst. 

And that's it I guess. At any moment the life you build for yourself could potentially just turn dust. I think we all think about that as often as we think about death. It's good to be prepared for these types of emergencies. It's a shame there's no real way to prepare... 

UNLESS...!! Yes, of course! It's all so simple! Why the fuck did I over complicate my life with pesky thoughts and personal insights when the answer was right under my nose the whole time! To hell with everything you just read about trying new things, making friends, accepting yourself, and staying hydrated, just give "Bob" all your money! That will definitely solve all of your problems and you'll be able to survive everything! Why yes! Of course! You can survive your own personal doomsday by purchasing a genuine SubGenius Ordainment Kit! Be the first on your block to live through the End Times, today!!