Saturday, September 17, 2022

How I Spent My Summer Vacation, or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love "Bob": The Elder Gods Must be Crazy 2: Secret of the Ooze: Part 1

The REAL X-Day! (RX-Day, "2022") + DIY X-Day ("2022")

I have been neglectful of this blog for some time now, but I have a good reason; I have been perpetually stoned since RX-Day, in June. 


I'm a city boy, so my experience with camping in any capacity is null, so I bought a $40 tent, brought a pillow and blanket, and figured that was all I needed. For once I was right. All other accommodations were provided by the RX-Day cabal, and Mother Nature herself. 


With no recollection of how I got there, I found myself at The Real X-Day (or, RX-Day) this year by way of Rev. Prof. Trixie Von Mothersbaugh, Rev. Sir Loin, and Nexpir (Nixper? Neepir??? I honestly can't remember how to spell his name; cool guy tho). I met up with them in the Catskills and we drove *somewhere* to get to the appropriate campsite to enjoy the end of the world.  The organizer of this event, the incredibly hospitable and mysterious (also incredibly inebriated) man known solely as, The Senator.  Good dude by my estimation, lots of fun to chat with, and his cabal of ninja assassins was pretty good too. You could barely see them skulking in the shadows.


One thing I really loved about the campsite was seeing all the weird bugs I've never seen before. I woke up one morning and saw this beautiful translucent slug. Cutest booger I've ever seen.    


One of the great joys of RX-Day was being able to witness the mind-boggling answerfest that was The Ask Dr. Hal Show! Dr. Hal was of course answering questions, Pontious Pressure was co-hosting, and Saint Joyce was there gathering questions from the curious crowd of people who had questions and the money to pay for the appropriate answers. There was poetry of all sorts, funny retorts, stories about the origins of the show, and an auction for Dr. Hal's rare book about the true nature of missing socks


There was all sorts of bands playing genres of music I had never heard live before. Every genre of music under the sun, and even some new genres never dared played by mortals before this very event! The gods were upset with us playing and listening to these sacred and secret notes of music, so they dropped a shit-ton of rain on us during most of the event. It's fine tho, all the rain and mud did was remind us of our primitive SubGenius nature, and sure we complained a lot, but we also groaned a lot as well, so I guess it evened out.

If I can get the band list from The Senator (or whomever) I will update this post with links to all of them. I was pretty stoned, and it's been a few months, so my memory is hazy at best. I do remember Rubix Pube though! They were a lot of fun.


Here is the goodies and treasure box filled with Rubix Pube merch. I purchased a CD and a lighter from them. I'm not sure what genre of music you'd call them tho. Something like eldritch spazz metal-grunge, or something like that would be my guess, but they describe themselves as Mountain-Based Mutant Rock which is probably a better description. 
 


Here I am during my "Bobtism" wherein I rededicate myself to the SubGenius Forbidden Sciences, reclaim my Yeti heritage, and try not to fall over like a stoned log as Dr. Hal pours a cup of water on my noggin. With so many of my SubGenius family doing this together, it was really something to behold. Just a bunch of sweaty, wet, drunk weirdos screaming out their incredible church names; it was an incredible feeling.  


So yeah, we did kill and burn the "Bob" effigy, as per "Bob's" own instructions. The wretched blood-curling screams coming from the flames will haunt my dreams for the rest of eternity. Probably the coolest souvenir ever. I threw in another Dobbshead printout into the flames to really make sure "Bob" was dead. As "Bob" burned we danced, drank, sang songs, and drank some more. 

SO! As you probably guessed, the world didn't end yet. BUT! That doesn't mean that The Real X-Day WASN'T the REAL X-DAY. No no, you rube. It WAS! It's just there was this glitch in the matrix, subterranean forces messed with the equilibrium of the stars, The Senator's ankle chakra got fudged up, and the aliens that were mean to destroy the earth arrived AFTER RX-Day! Ya see, it was all a scheduling snafu, but next year for sure! 

As a consolation for the world not ending, I did manage to find some Mountain Dew flavors I never tasted before. They kept me sustained and caffeinated during my trip. 


One the way back from RX-Day, Prof. Trixie and her Mutants Unite cabal and I began planning next years trip to RX-Day (if there is one I mean, the last one was the REAL Real X-Day of course).  And an amazing thing happened, a visage of Jesus appeared under my slice of pizza! Praise "Bob"! 


It was a really fun trip. Many thanks to The Senator for putting this shindig together, and a million thank yous to Prof. Trixie and the Mutants Unite crew, my friends from Diaspora, and anyone else who was there.  

Next time, part 2: my trip to Chile! 


UPDATE: I nearly forgot to mention the traditional X-Day, this year known as DIY X-Day! ... the saucers didn't show up again, and some of us met on Discord to complain about it. NEXT YEAR FOR SURE!!!