RX-Day Shenanigans!!

TICKET PURCHASING INFORMATION:https://xday.ticketleap.com/2023/

The End of the World might very well happen twice this year, or more! SubGenius Clenches from around the world and across the universe are coming together to celebrate the End Times and total obliteration of planet Earth! Finally, the Space Brothers from Planet X are going to arrive and gun down all Pinks who failed to pay "Bob" his money! 

These Pinks will be churned and baked into "Bob's" Best Blend, a spiritual element to feed the Elder Gods, thus giving JHVH1 and his gang of Rebel Gods the chance to pay off their debts, which in turn fulfills the prophecy of The Rupture, which fulfills "Bob's" promise to us fully paid SubGenii, which in turn means the Eschaton will be Immeninized, which means the Elder Gods and Rebel Gods will be defeated and finally vanquished, which means the entire Timeline of the ENTIRE MULTIVERSE will be rebooted!! 

Which means you should get your tickets TODAY!!

For up-to-date RX-Day and X-Day news, check 

SubSite: https://subgenius.com/bigfist/fun/devivals/21XDay/26X-Day.html

Alien Contact Ignored, Messiahood Victoriously Avoided!

So much has happened since my last post, but I will not bore anyone with the mundanity of  my personal life, except for the fact I may have finally have an honest-to-gods paranormal experience! Kind of!! I believe this to be the result of my intense meditations and studies last month while in deepest darkest Chile. 

In Chile, I was face-to-face with Father Time, Death itself. My very elderly father passed away at age 96. He had several ailments fighting claim his life, including cancer, but it was his age that finally caught up with him Time had run out on his life and it was up to me and my family to find meaning in it all, settle his affairs, and lay him to rest. 

"Popeye", drawn by my father

I joked with my mother that I now believe in Death; my father was already so old when I was born that I  believed that he would outlive me. It was a long ongoing joke in my family too. But seeing him finally gone brought certain painful thoughts into crystal clear focus; although Time may very well be limitless, we can only hold a bit of it in our pitiful mitts, and the joke was on me the whole time.

My father and I were never super close, not since I was very young anyway. We all mourn in different ways, but I barely mourned at all if I'm honest. He lived a long life, and he had a whole life before I was even born. I didn't know him as well as he would have liked, but I always felt our relationship was perfect the way it was. He was a neglectful father, but rather than judge him for the things he didn't do, I'd rather judge him for the things he didn't do! 

Sure he wasn't around much, but he also never yelled at me, he never sent me to my room, and we never had an argument, and he never did any of the things I hear about when it pertains to abusive father/child relationships. In all honesty, if he was around more often I probably wouldn't like him very much, so keeping a distance was probably the best choice! 

I hope dad finds Slack in the hereafter. He had it rough in his later years. I'm really grateful for my family in Chile who managed to be there for him when I couldn't be. 

After suffering through what felt like endless ego-death, transitioning my life to familiar-but-new surroundings, and also dealing with the stressful familial responsibilities of my fathers passing, I found myself going through all too recognizable body pains. Numbness in my fingers, my leg, and a never ceasing throbbing in the back of my brain. Even after various examinations with doctors and medical professionals, psychics, and Spiritists; they could not find the source of my ailments. Something tells me though, this true source of my ailments is simply time chipping away at my life, leaving crumbs of my spirit for the Elder Gods to nibble on. 

It should be common knowledge for any properly ordained SubGenius member at this point that the Elder Gods feast upon the sorrow and pain of mortals. It's not like nutritious or anything, our suffering is more like Doritos, malt liquor, tobacco, or something like that. Our mortal souls are the junk food for the Elder Gods. 

Most folks who study the meta-occult would, of course, avoid the Elder Gods, they're obviously bad news; but it is necessary for personal advancement and mutation to face the worse odds to grow and thrive. It sucks, but we all gotta do it. Most folks go through this process without even realizing they're being slowly gluttonized by these so-called Space Bankers, the Elder Gods from some horrid nightmare realm out in the boonies of space. 

While in Chile last month, I spent a great duration of my time communing with these hideous and blasphemous Elder Gods, specifically, the Old Gods of Chile; the Elemental deities who have long ignored in their own homeland. In retaliation for this, They beam down the hottest, most grueling sun rays, and shake things up with the occasional quake. In all honesty, this sucks, and I spent a good portion of my mental powers just trying to calm them down. I feel as though I was able to find an equilibrium with these angry old gods, and find a way to share my Slack with them.

JHVH-1 was of course, around, but He was hardly any help (as usual). What a pain in the ass though. Like, if anything, Ol' Jehovah Prime made things worse! As usual! Jehovah was challenging my very existence, flaunting my various ailments in front of me, making me incurably ill during my time in South America; but I prevailed! (Just barely, but a win's a win, you know?)

Ovalle, Chile

That's not to say that deepest darkest Chile isn't beautiful. Although a majority of my trip was filled with grief and pain, there were good times and beautiful scenery to be enjoyed. Chile is a beautiful country to behold, really. There are so many different climates to enjoy, the air is crisp and clean, and the food is especially delicious. Chileans are bread eating people and if you're ever in Chile look for a bakery that sells "Doblados", which is folded bread filled with lard. That's the tastiest ingredient of all! Eat lard until your arteries and veins all explode, that's what I say!

Chilean breads and snacks

I could go on and on about the food to be honest, but I'm a sucker for a good sandwich. At the airport in Santiago, I had one of the best sandwiches of my life. Appropriately named Until the End of the World, this sandwich was the stuff of dreams for me. A fried fish (hake) sandwich, with lettuce, Chilean salad (tomatoes and onions), tartar sauce, on nigella sesame bread. Delicious. So simple, but delicious. I plan on recreating this sandwich at some point. The fish is fried tempura-style, so it's light and fluffy. 

"Until the End of the World"

Upon my return, all my pains returned with me. Maybe spending a month stressing about life and death, drowning my sorrows in lard-filled bread and fried fish sandwiches wasn't particularly good for my health. I was extremely fatigued, to say the very least. Additionally, I was unable to fall asleep. This is fairly common for me so I reached for my reliable cure-all, a combination of weed, red wine, and melatonin! I call this concoction Wielatonin, and it always does the trick! Normally, a solid dose of Wielatonin will wipe away any stubborn consciousness I have in my system and leave me within the warm, Slack-filled embrace of anti-sobriety. Sigh, sweet bliss. 

But this was different, the pulsing in the back of my brain was booming harder than usual, and after a dose of Wielatonin I found myself in that liminal space between unconscious and consciousness. This twilight realm where I am super aware that I am and what my body is trying to accomplish, but true rest was not an option that night. I found myself hearing voices.

The pounding in the back of my brain was now a steady beat, and this beat danced with the voice in my head:

"Space Alien 15", Alien Clipart

"Greetings [Jellyfoot]. We have chosen to sound like familiar voices so as not to scare you. These voices are the ones you hear regularly from that [podcast] you enjoy.We have chosen you to be our Emissary and to bring a New Message to your world! Please listen to our.." 

And the very nanosecond I heard that, I said nah. I shook myself awake, rolled out of bed, and stumbled my way to the bathroom where I splashed cold water on my face. I'm good, honest. I'm super good. I don't need to be the Emissary for some unknown force, and I don't need to know whatever this New Message is. I'm fine, I got other stuff on my plate to be honest. These forces, whatever they are, they can find another patsy. 

Billiken-1, God of Things As They Ought to Be

Besides, I'm already an Emissary! I am a student of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs! I'm the High Exalted & Most Beloved Grand Poobah of my own Monastery where I exalt Billiken-1, daily! I am in no need of any "cosmic message" or whatever. 

J. R. "Bob" Dobbs

Honestly, "Bob" is better suited to deal with cosmic horrors and space messengers, I'm happy with my bit of spiritual work as it is thank you. I'm just a humble cultist, and I don't aspire to be anything but, for now. 

How I Spent My Summer Vacation, or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love "Bob": The Elder Gods Must be Crazy 2: Secret of the Ooze: Part 1

The REAL X-Day! (RX-Day, "2022") + DIY X-Day ("2022")

I have been neglectful of this blog for some time now, but I have a good reason; I have been perpetually stoned since RX-Day, in June. 

I'm a city boy, so my experience with camping in any capacity is null, so I bought a $40 tent, brought a pillow and blanket, and figured that was all I needed. For once I was right. All other accommodations were provided by the RX-Day cabal, and Mother Nature herself. 

With no recollection of how I got there, I found myself at The Real X-Day (or, RX-Day) this year by way of Rev. Prof. Trixie Von Mothersbaugh, Rev. Sir Loin, and Nexpir (Nixper? Neepir??? I honestly can't remember how to spell his name; cool guy tho). I met up with them in the Catskills and we drove *somewhere* to get to the appropriate campsite to enjoy the end of the world.  The organizer of this event, the incredibly hospitable and mysterious (also incredibly inebriated) man known solely as, The Senator.  Good dude by my estimation, lots of fun to chat with, and his cabal of ninja assassins was pretty good too. You could barely see them skulking in the shadows.

One thing I really loved about the campsite was seeing all the weird bugs I've never seen before. I woke up one morning and saw this beautiful translucent slug. Cutest booger I've ever seen.    

One of the great joys of RX-Day was being able to witness the mind-boggling answerfest that was The Ask Dr. Hal Show! Dr. Hal was of course answering questions, Pontious Pressure was co-hosting, and Saint Joyce was there gathering questions from the curious crowd of people who had questions and the money to pay for the appropriate answers. There was poetry of all sorts, funny retorts, stories about the origins of the show, and an auction for Dr. Hal's rare book about the true nature of missing socks! 

There was all sorts of bands playing genres of music I had never heard live before. Every genre of music under the sun, and even some new genres never dared played by mortals before this very event! The gods were upset with us playing and listening to these sacred and secret notes of music, so they dropped a shit-ton of rain on us during most of the event. It's fine tho, all the rain and mud did was remind us of our primitive SubGenius nature, and sure we complained a lot, but we also groaned a lot as well, so I guess it evened out.

If I can get the band list from The Senator (or whomever) I will update this post with links to all of them. I was pretty stoned, and it's been a few months, so my memory is hazy at best. I do remember Rubix Pube though! They were a lot of fun.

Here is the goodies and treasure box filled with Rubix Pube merch. I purchased a CD and a lighter from them. I'm not sure what genre of music you'd call them tho. Something like eldritch spazz metal-grunge, or something like that would be my guess, but they describe themselves as Mountain-Based Mutant Rock which is probably a better description. 
 

Here I am during my "Bobtism" wherein I rededicate myself to the SubGenius Forbidden Sciences, reclaim my Yeti heritage, and try not to fall over like a stoned log as Dr. Hal pours a cup of water on my noggin. With so many of my SubGenius family doing this together, it was really something to behold. Just a bunch of sweaty, wet, drunk weirdos screaming out their incredible church names; it was an incredible feeling.  

So yeah, we did kill and burn the "Bob" effigy, as per "Bob's" own instructions. The wretched blood-curling screams coming from the flames will haunt my dreams for the rest of eternity. Probably the coolest souvenir ever. I threw in another Dobbshead printout into the flames to really make sure "Bob" was dead. As "Bob" burned we danced, drank, sang songs, and drank some more. 

SO! As you probably guessed, the world didn't end yet. BUT! That doesn't mean that The Real X-Day WASN'T the REAL X-DAY. No no, you rube. It WAS! It's just there was this glitch in the matrix, subterranean forces messed with the equilibrium of the stars, The Senator's ankle chakra got fudged up, and the aliens that were mean to destroy the earth arrived AFTER RX-Day! Ya see, it was all a scheduling snafu, but next year for sure! 

As a consolation for the world not ending, I did manage to find some Mountain Dew flavors I never tasted before. They kept me sustained and caffeinated during my trip. 

One the way back from RX-Day, Prof. Trixie and her Mutants Unite cabal and I began planning next years trip to RX-Day (if there is one I mean, the last one was the REAL Real X-Day of course).  And an amazing thing happened, a visage of Jesus appeared under my slice of pizza! Praise "Bob"! 

It was a really fun trip. Many thanks to The Senator for putting this shindig together, and a million thank yous to Prof. Trixie and the Mutants Unite crew, my friends from Diaspora, and anyone else who was there.  

Next time, part 2: my trip to Chile! 

UPDATE: I nearly forgot to mention the traditional X-Day, this year known as DIY X-Day! ... the saucers didn't show up again, and some of us met on Discord to complain about it. NEXT YEAR FOR SURE!!! 

How To Survive Ego Death: A Personal Perspective

The past few years have been awful. Just like, the absolute era of my life. I would hazard a guess that many of you have felt similarly, for all sorts of different reasons. Alternatively, I hope a lot of you have had a wondrous and fantastic time; unfortunately I did not. And there are differing reasons for that to be sure, and if I could go back and change it all I would. Maybe. At my current vantage point, I wonder if I would choose to go back and change anything because I am personally going through a shift in my life that I actually like, and things are so hopeful now that the absolute obliteration of everything I ever loved and cared for seems to have been worth it. 

That's not to say I'm happy for all the sour feelings, strained friendships, and total sense of loss I feel, but there is something refreshing in having a totally clean slate to work off of. Tearing apart and throwing away all of the things that held my life together like glue was extremely, painfully difficult, even if I knew it had to be done. I am a whole person, and I am incapable of robotizing my emotions. I hold sensitive feelings towards those I love, and even particular items; and even if both of those are incapable of feeling the same way towards me I can't help how I feel towards them.

The world I wanted to live and grow old and die in has already gone and died without me. Familiar faces gone, loves of my life have moved on, folks I worked with have advanced in their paths far beyond my reach, and some friends I have simply lost touch with even if we are all more connected now than we have ever been. No amount of wishful thinking, nostalgia, toys, comics, trading cards or junk food can help fill the void I have felt. I sit in abject loneliness, in a void where I once lived my life, seemingly defeated. 

As stated earlier though, in spite of my own feelings, I have been given a second chance for what feels like the fourth or fifth time in my life. Somehow though I feel like this time the second chance will stick. There is an idiotic force of confidence you can latch onto when you have nothing else. It isn't a feeling too dissimilar to invulnerability. In my current state I feel invincible because I have literally nothing else to lose! I'm not even looking to fight my way to the top because I don't think I was ever there to begin with! I have always existed in confusion and it is through the acceptance of confusion that I think I will be able to survive best. 

That's just me though. You might not enjoy being confused all the time, but however you choose to cope through your own downfall is your business really. At this present moment, as I write this, I have no plans. None. Zero. And to be honest, that's fine for now. You don't always need a goal to keep going, all you have to do is go. Enjoy the time you have with yourself, and don't feel pressured to be sociable if you don't want to be. Go to new places, take weird changes, manipulate how you take in information and readjust your view on reality. Grab a blanket and some snacks and quest into the unknown and do something that your now dead-self would be too chicken shit to try!

If you don't matter to yourself then you will never matter at all. Maybe. You might also matter to someone else. But maybe not. In either case do something that has heft to it, something dramatic. You don't have to tell people what you did, but you can if you'd like of course, but whatever it is make sure it holds some significance to you personally. Sing, dance, get a tattoo, ask someone out on a date (or multiple someones), wear a dumb tie, or whatever. 

If that doesn't tickle your fancy, talk to your friends, or your one friend, or even that co-worker you don't really care much for. Literally find anyone so you don't get trapped in your own thoughts! The contrast is good and healthy! FORCE YOURSELF TO TALK TO PEOPLE! Honestly, in most cases you'll be glad you did. You may even make a friend or two.

Observe all the good shit in your life. You got some for sure, but you might be resentful you don't have a lot more of it, but at least you have some. Become aware of all that stuff because you might not have a lot of it now, but if one day it were to vanish the feeling of loss will devastate you. 

Another thing you should do, as a form of self care, is drink water. Like, drink a lot of water. It's good for you, helps your metabolism, and right now you're probably not getting enough water as you might need. That's probably a statistic; look it up. Water tastes great too, especially seltzer. Try Liquid Death if you can find it, it has a nice mellow fizz and it mutilates thirst. 

And that's it I guess. At any moment the life you build for yourself could potentially just turn dust. I think we all think about that as often as we think about death. It's good to be prepared for these types of emergencies. It's a shame there's no real way to prepare... 

UNLESS...!! Yes, of course! It's all so simple! Why the fuck did I over complicate my life with pesky thoughts and personal insights when the answer was right under my nose the whole time! To hell with everything you just read about trying new things, making friends, accepting yourself, and staying hydrated, just give "Bob" all your money! That will definitely solve all of your problems and you'll be able to survive everything! Why yes! Of course! You can survive your own personal doomsday by purchasing a genuine SubGenius Ordainment Kit! Be the first on your block to live through the End Times, today!! 

2022: Billikens and Budai; Year of the Slurfies

It's been a long while since my last post. I haven't died yet! Things have just gotten complicated and busy is all. I'm approaching a new horizon in my life, restarting it all yet again, and hopefully things will get better from this point on. I say that, but of course the future is always uncertain. 

Above is my New Years altar, filled with Billikens and Budai, Slurfies and anime girls and all my favorite little toy novelties. All brought together in hopes to gather enough cosmic power to bring us all luck for 2022. Heaven knows we really need it. So, with prayers mumbled I wish you all a very prosperous New Year. 

But yeah Slurfies. You know Slurfies. don't you? Of course you do you've seen them before if you are of a certain again. Little soft plastic monster toys they used to have in vending machines way back in the day. It was for a while a very common thing you could get for a few cents, but now they cost a few dollars to purchase via places like eBay.  You could get them in the same vending machines that had little containers of slime, rubber bats, play jewelry, and holographic stickers. Those were the glory days if you ask me. 

I recently discovered this amazing online shop called Greasy Creeps and I am totally in love with their stock. It's a combination of vintage toys (oilys, jigglers, Chinasaurs, etc.) as well as their own original designs and bootlegs. It's a satisfying feeling purchasing artisanally made Slurfies, but that's just my life now. Wondrous. 

To be totally honest I've been spoiled with absolute treasures this year, and we're only ten days into the New Year. My friends over at the Two Witches Podcast sent me some beautiful swag along with some truly awesome toys as a belated Xmas gift. Not sure what to do with these stickers but they will go someplace special. 

And also there was this amazing piece by the great artist, Cat Feather (Cat_Blether)! Inspired by the works of LaVoreGirls and VoreVids, Cat was able to conjure this piece into existence. Gotta love those teeth! I absolutely adore her work and I hope she makes more fun stuff soon. 

So yeah, things feel a bit better personally. My health is improving, life is changing, and new options are opening up for me. Hopefully the same is happening to you too. Even if the world is rotting away right now we can still have a bit of fun. 

Join the Church of the SubGenius. Praise "Bob"! www.subgenius.com

Spending money is the only path to salvation!

So Slack Friday is here again, and it gives those of you who still seek salvation the chance to save yourself, and a loved one for the price of one! Or just keep both membership packets for yourself and be doubly saved! THE CHOICE IS YOURS!

Just go to the SubGenius Scatalog by clicking somewhere in this sentence. The Bulldada Time Control Laboratories of The First Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected of the Church of the SubGenius accepts orders via the internet (via PayPal) or by snail mail. Just follow the instructions on the webpage. 

The world might end at any second, so it's really in your best interest to send your money to the High Epopt, J. R. "Bob" Dobbs, so your very soul can be spared from the wrath of JHVH-1 and the other evil alien space gods when they show up to obliterate this dumb spaceship we call "Earth". And as a bonus, all members of the church will party with the Alien Sex Gods and Goddesses on their Pleasure Saucers as we zip across the universe to another dimension where we will live in unbearable pleasure for all times. 

Or you can stay on earth and be eaten by a bunch of Cthulhus. 

Meanwhile, since I am already saved from the End Times, I'm enjoying in the luxury of my end of year shopping. Although, as always, my tastes are rather niche. 

From Horror Decor I purchased this Zeke the Plumber bag doll. I gotta say when I saw this thing it sent a whole rush of memories from that episode of Salute Your Shorts where Zeke appeared. 

I swear I had nightmares for days as a kid but now I look back with such fondness to that terror. 

I would love a full length movie of this character. A while back Nickelodeon made that Legends of the Hidden Temple movie, why not a kid-friendly horror film based on this episode? It can even be like a reunion of  Salute Your Shorts. I'd watch it. 

Speaking of things I'd watch; so I somehow missed out on the Jingle All The Way sequel. Or at least, I didn't know there was one until I watched it on television a few days ago. The original is a movie I enjoyed as a kid but I never revisted it (although now I really want to). I always wanted a Turbo Man action figure like in the original movie and now there's this Harrison the Bear doll that came out as a premium with the Walmart release of the Jingle All the Way 2 DVD and I am currently on the hunt for it. I may have missed out on Turbo Man, but I refuse to let Harrison the Bear slip through my fingers as well!

Oh and the movie was fun. It stars Larry the Cable Guy and Santino Marela (from the WWE). As it turns out this was made during that period where the WWE  was funding movies. I haven't seen any of the other WWE films but I liked this one. It may end up as part of my holiday rotation. It's weird, but Larry the Cable Guy really does have this gross "everyman" charm about him, and really good comic timing. 

Another thing I watched was the Animaniacs Hulu reboot and it was pretty good. The animation felt a little wonky, but it hardly matters; the humor was still on point. I heard that the original writing team wasn't involved in this reboot so whoever worked on it were definitely fans of the original show. 

A  highlight for me though was the very, very brief cameo by the Loonatics from the old Kids WB show, Loonatics Unleashed. It's a very short cameo where Dot Warner is singing about voting right for 'toons and she totally disses the Loonatics referring to them as "whatever these are".  I was a a genuine fan of the show (I have both seasons on DVD) and it was nice seeing these characters again (especially since I thought they'd never appear in anything ever again). 

My November Dino Drac Funpack arrived and it was pretty good. The October one was definitely more up my alley, but I really love the Magic Grobots growing figures, and the Rescuers Down Under ornaments. 

I'm pretty sure these Magic Grobots are molded from old Gundam keshi figures but I can't find any proof of that. 

The fun I get out of these packs is that they're normally filled with items I wouldn't normally pick up on my own, but always kind of wanted or would want. 

And lastly, my birthday passed recently and I'd like to share some of my favorite gifts. My partner got me this amazing arrangement of socks that look like a full burger meal. It was truly one of the most unique gifts that I've ever gotten. 

And a friend of mine got me this amazing Freddy Freaker plush doll! Who would have guessed I'd have Freddy Freaker merch decades after seeing him on TV. Wild. I wonder what else will be made in the future (if there is one). 

J.R. "Bob" Dobbs and the Church of the SubGenius Documentary now available everywhere!

The Sandy Boone documentary  J. R. "Bob" Dobbs and the Church of the SubGenius is finally available everywhere on every platform you can think of. And guess what; it's pretty great. It's all about the evolution of the Church and it's place in history for the last 40 years. I've only been active within the church officially as a card carrying member for like 6 years but I've been participating online with the Church for longer than that. It was really interesting seeing all the stuff I missed from the early days (I mean I was an infant for most of it so that's my excuse). I had no idea things got so intense with a lot of the older members. The newer SubGenius members seem so much more relaxed in comparison. 

I think everyone did a wonderful job on this movie. I loved the little animations interspliced with all the old footage from previous X-Day drills. 

I do wish they talked more about "Bob" himself as a presence within the Church and popular culture, and the influence "Bob" has had within media. But maybe that's a project for another filmmaker to take care of. 

For information on where to watch this documentary, to read reviews or watch interviews, check out Dobbstown for all your documentary needs.

Below is the trailer and some interviews with Sandy Boone (if you can't view it on your mobile device please click here to switch to full view).