Alien Contact Ignored, Messiahood Victoriously Avoided!

So much has happened since my last post, but I will not bore anyone with the mundanity of  my personal life, except for the fact I may have finally have an honest-to-gods paranormal experience! Kind of!! I believe this to be the result of my intense meditations and studies last month while in deepest darkest Chile. 

In Chile, I was face-to-face with Father Time, Death itself. My very elderly father passed away at age 96. He had several ailments fighting claim his life, including cancer, but it was his age that finally caught up with him Time had run out on his life and it was up to me and my family to find meaning in it all, settle his affairs, and lay him to rest. 

"Popeye", drawn by my father

I joked with my mother that I now believe in Death; my father was already so old when I was born that I  believed that he would outlive me. It was a long ongoing joke in my family too. But seeing him finally gone brought certain painful thoughts into crystal clear focus; although Time may very well be limitless, we can only hold a bit of it in our pitiful mitts, and the joke was on me the whole time.

My father and I were never super close, not since I was very young anyway. We all mourn in different ways, but I barely mourned at all if I'm honest. He lived a long life, and he had a whole life before I was even born. I didn't know him as well as he would have liked, but I always felt our relationship was perfect the way it was. He was a neglectful father, but rather than judge him for the things he didn't do, I'd rather judge him for the things he didn't do! 

Sure he wasn't around much, but he also never yelled at me, he never sent me to my room, and we never had an argument, and he never did any of the things I hear about when it pertains to abusive father/child relationships. In all honesty, if he was around more often I probably wouldn't like him very much, so keeping a distance was probably the best choice! 

I hope dad finds Slack in the hereafter. He had it rough in his later years. I'm really grateful for my family in Chile who managed to be there for him when I couldn't be. 

After suffering through what felt like endless ego-death, transitioning my life to familiar-but-new surroundings, and also dealing with the stressful familial responsibilities of my fathers passing, I found myself going through all too recognizable body pains. Numbness in my fingers, my leg, and a never ceasing throbbing in the back of my brain. Even after various examinations with doctors and medical professionals, psychics, and Spiritists; they could not find the source of my ailments. Something tells me though, this true source of my ailments is simply time chipping away at my life, leaving crumbs of my spirit for the Elder Gods to nibble on. 

It should be common knowledge for any properly ordained SubGenius member at this point that the Elder Gods feast upon the sorrow and pain of mortals. It's not like nutritious or anything, our suffering is more like Doritos, malt liquor, tobacco, or something like that. Our mortal souls are the junk food for the Elder Gods. 

Most folks who study the meta-occult would, of course, avoid the Elder Gods, they're obviously bad news; but it is necessary for personal advancement and mutation to face the worse odds to grow and thrive. It sucks, but we all gotta do it. Most folks go through this process without even realizing they're being slowly gluttonized by these so-called Space Bankers, the Elder Gods from some horrid nightmare realm out in the boonies of space. 

While in Chile last month, I spent a great duration of my time communing with these hideous and blasphemous Elder Gods, specifically, the Old Gods of Chile; the Elemental deities who have long ignored in their own homeland. In retaliation for this, They beam down the hottest, most grueling sun rays, and shake things up with the occasional quake. In all honesty, this sucks, and I spent a good portion of my mental powers just trying to calm them down. I feel as though I was able to find an equilibrium with these angry old gods, and find a way to share my Slack with them.

JHVH-1 was of course, around, but He was hardly any help (as usual). What a pain in the ass though. Like, if anything, Ol' Jehovah Prime made things worse! As usual! Jehovah was challenging my very existence, flaunting my various ailments in front of me, making me incurably ill during my time in South America; but I prevailed! (Just barely, but a win's a win, you know?)

Ovalle, Chile

That's not to say that deepest darkest Chile isn't beautiful. Although a majority of my trip was filled with grief and pain, there were good times and beautiful scenery to be enjoyed. Chile is a beautiful country to behold, really. There are so many different climates to enjoy, the air is crisp and clean, and the food is especially delicious. Chileans are bread eating people and if you're ever in Chile look for a bakery that sells "Doblados", which is folded bread filled with lard. That's the tastiest ingredient of all! Eat lard until your arteries and veins all explode, that's what I say!

Chilean breads and snacks

I could go on and on about the food to be honest, but I'm a sucker for a good sandwich. At the airport in Santiago, I had one of the best sandwiches of my life. Appropriately named Until the End of the World, this sandwich was the stuff of dreams for me. A fried fish (hake) sandwich, with lettuce, Chilean salad (tomatoes and onions), tartar sauce, on nigella sesame bread. Delicious. So simple, but delicious. I plan on recreating this sandwich at some point. The fish is fried tempura-style, so it's light and fluffy. 

"Until the End of the World"

Upon my return, all my pains returned with me. Maybe spending a month stressing about life and death, drowning my sorrows in lard-filled bread and fried fish sandwiches wasn't particularly good for my health. I was extremely fatigued, to say the very least. Additionally, I was unable to fall asleep. This is fairly common for me so I reached for my reliable cure-all, a combination of weed, red wine, and melatonin! I call this concoction Wielatonin, and it always does the trick! Normally, a solid dose of Wielatonin will wipe away any stubborn consciousness I have in my system and leave me within the warm, Slack-filled embrace of anti-sobriety. Sigh, sweet bliss. 

But this was different, the pulsing in the back of my brain was booming harder than usual, and after a dose of Wielatonin I found myself in that liminal space between unconscious and consciousness. This twilight realm where I am super aware that I am and what my body is trying to accomplish, but true rest was not an option that night. I found myself hearing voices.

The pounding in the back of my brain was now a steady beat, and this beat danced with the voice in my head:

"Space Alien 15", Alien Clipart

"Greetings [Jellyfoot]. We have chosen to sound like familiar voices so as not to scare you. These voices are the ones you hear regularly from that [podcast] you enjoy.We have chosen you to be our Emissary and to bring a New Message to your world! Please listen to our.." 

And the very nanosecond I heard that, I said nah. I shook myself awake, rolled out of bed, and stumbled my way to the bathroom where I splashed cold water on my face. I'm good, honest. I'm super good. I don't need to be the Emissary for some unknown force, and I don't need to know whatever this New Message is. I'm fine, I got other stuff on my plate to be honest. These forces, whatever they are, they can find another patsy. 

Billiken-1, God of Things As They Ought to Be

Besides, I'm already an Emissary! I am a student of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs! I'm the High Exalted & Most Beloved Grand Poobah of my own Monastery where I exalt Billiken-1, daily! I am in no need of any "cosmic message" or whatever. 

J. R. "Bob" Dobbs

Honestly, "Bob" is better suited to deal with cosmic horrors and space messengers, I'm happy with my bit of spiritual work as it is thank you. I'm just a humble cultist, and I don't aspire to be anything but, for now. 

Then there was Billikinoid

"Billiken at Coney Island" by ZONTAR

Spontaneous introspection brought me here today. I was guided by unseen forces, but I knew they were sent to me by Billiken-1, God of Things As They Ought to Be, my guardian spirit. I might be crazy, and that's just dandy. I have finally blundered my way to nigh-enlightenment and I hope I slip on a banana peel soon so I can make it the rest of the way there. 

Life, as I have always griped about, is nothing but discord normally but lately it has been filled with a new flavor. I have found some new friends to chat with, new friends to play with, and I have reunited with some old friends to help ease the burden in my heart from past mistakes and I feel reinvigorated. 

So why "Billikinoid"? Well it is what I is, I think. As an emissary for Billiken-1, I am without question one of his kin, yet in this humanoid body. I will break through the barrier tho and ascend to my rightful place someday, when I reach my cosmic form. I am filled with the holiest of spirits gosh dang it!

Moving forward, I would like to dedicate more of this blog to even more nonsense; toys, comics, trading cards, religion, and travel. As much as possible until your very screen begins to OOZE with it all! I want you to be dripping with it! 

Until next time then 😜

Guimo Revelations: The Billiken Connection

So several night's ago I had a very vivid dream about what seemed to be a sort of personal revelation of my higher-self, which is of course Billykin. This character acts as my personal avatar, higher-self, astral form, guardian angel, and is to me 

I'm fairly certain that this image of Billykin and Billy-Can't comes from a novelty postcard, which I am currently hunting for. I found this image while researching on the various kinds of Billiken novelties that were available and the smile and pose of Billykin really stuck with me so much so that I chose him as my avatar for any and all online forums and social media outlets that I use. I adopted him as a personal mascot. I love this image of him happily taking a dump in a chamber pot  while he smiles at Billy-Cant't who is struggling. These two are definitely aspects of my inner life and reflect two of my major moods; happiness and distress. 

"Billykin", my chosen avatar, is a parody of "Billiken", a novelty toy god created in the early 1900's. It's origins are fairly complex but basically Billiken was a very popular novelty statue and doll. I first learned about Billiken through The Church of Good Luck, which has a phenomenal amount of information on the entire history of the character and it's creator. It's a wonderful archive and I believe if you're interested in this sort of obscure pseudo-religious good luck novelty (like I am) you should check them out. The Church of Good Luck isn't rebellious religion of mockery, like The Church of the SubGenius is, and it does take itself somewhat seriously. 

The creator of Billiken was a follower of New Age thought and believed she was a Japanese woman in a previous life, which is amazing because in Japan Billiken is still quite popular in Osaka and there are many statues and novelties dedicated to him. And believe me, if there's any place in the world I'd love to move to forever, it'd be Osaka. It's a beautiful place and I do love Japan with all of my heart. 

To be honest, Billiken has been following me for years. I've had many dreams about the character and I do feel like there's something it's trying to teach me. Billiken's title is "the God of Things As They Ought to be", which means he's the god of dreams, but also good luck and fortune. I live in my dreams. This so-called reality we wander around in is without question some sort of prison of our own collective making, but in our dreams we can fly free. Billiken is the anthropomorphization of that dream reality for me. 

So dedicated am I to this strange god I even carry a pocket piece of him everywhere I go. This lucky coin is from the era from when Billiken was at the height of his popularity and I managed to snag it at a fairly decent price. I don't actually put much faith into trinkets like these, but I do enjoy them and their kitsch quality. 

It's a weird road I traveled to discovery Billiken, and eventually that my cosmic soul was Billykin in nature. I studied with Unarius, then discovered the SubGenius, then Discordianism, which led me down a strange, strange rabbit hole of researching other deities. All of this really helped me get a handle on my own life and learn things about myself that I was too afraid to confront. We all carry baggage, and these sorts of studies and mind exercises help relieve some of that burden. 

So, in any case, about that dream I had a few days ago. It's been stuck in my mind for days so I thought I'd share it here. 

GUIMO DESTROYS AND CREATES THE WORLD AND ALL THINGS THEREIN BY TOTAL ACCIDENT BUT ALSO ON PURPOSE

In some hire realm, I was some sort of  flying, fat cherub angel baby. I was my Billykin avatar, but with tiny wings. I guess this place I was in was supposed to be heaven, or some facsimile thereof. I was eating a banana and I tossed the peel over my shoulder. And even though I was flying, I slipped out of the banana peel and fell out of heaven. 

My crash landing on the earth was what killed all the dinosaurs, save for a few that survived. The crash also helped create the very first cryptids and monsters that still wander the earth to this very day. I also lost my wings and I couldn't flutter around anymore. Dang.

While trying to repair the earth I somehow created of automaton robot super droids to build the continents. The impact of my landing nearly flattened the whole planet so there was a lot of work to do.

When the world was reconstructed, and the leftover dinosaurs, monsters, and cryptids were safely tucked away in their own natural habitats, it was time to introduce this new world to some human beings. This, of course, was my greatest folly. 

Humans were created using fish, specifically the great fur-bearing trout, and letting them soak in Mutan Generating Ooze (Mutagen). 

The end result of all of these is what you see before you now. All the cryptids are in hiding, some dinos still wander around, and the monsters are nowhere to be found. Humans, of course, make things worse for others. But that's too broad of a generalization and I refuse to take it to heart. 

And this was a dream of course. Just something for me to think about as it also reflects something within myself. It's not some sort of hidden cosmic truth. 

Or is it?!