Alien Contact Ignored, Messiahood Victoriously Avoided!

So much has happened since my last post, but I will not bore anyone with the mundanity of  my personal life, except for the fact I may have finally have an honest-to-gods paranormal experience! Kind of!! I believe this to be the result of my intense meditations and studies last month while in deepest darkest Chile. 

In Chile, I was face-to-face with Father Time, Death itself. My very elderly father passed away at age 96. He had several ailments fighting claim his life, including cancer, but it was his age that finally caught up with him Time had run out on his life and it was up to me and my family to find meaning in it all, settle his affairs, and lay him to rest. 

"Popeye", drawn by my father

I joked with my mother that I now believe in Death; my father was already so old when I was born that I  believed that he would outlive me. It was a long ongoing joke in my family too. But seeing him finally gone brought certain painful thoughts into crystal clear focus; although Time may very well be limitless, we can only hold a bit of it in our pitiful mitts, and the joke was on me the whole time.

My father and I were never super close, not since I was very young anyway. We all mourn in different ways, but I barely mourned at all if I'm honest. He lived a long life, and he had a whole life before I was even born. I didn't know him as well as he would have liked, but I always felt our relationship was perfect the way it was. He was a neglectful father, but rather than judge him for the things he didn't do, I'd rather judge him for the things he didn't do! 

Sure he wasn't around much, but he also never yelled at me, he never sent me to my room, and we never had an argument, and he never did any of the things I hear about when it pertains to abusive father/child relationships. In all honesty, if he was around more often I probably wouldn't like him very much, so keeping a distance was probably the best choice! 

I hope dad finds Slack in the hereafter. He had it rough in his later years. I'm really grateful for my family in Chile who managed to be there for him when I couldn't be. 

After suffering through what felt like endless ego-death, transitioning my life to familiar-but-new surroundings, and also dealing with the stressful familial responsibilities of my fathers passing, I found myself going through all too recognizable body pains. Numbness in my fingers, my leg, and a never ceasing throbbing in the back of my brain. Even after various examinations with doctors and medical professionals, psychics, and Spiritists; they could not find the source of my ailments. Something tells me though, this true source of my ailments is simply time chipping away at my life, leaving crumbs of my spirit for the Elder Gods to nibble on. 

It should be common knowledge for any properly ordained SubGenius member at this point that the Elder Gods feast upon the sorrow and pain of mortals. It's not like nutritious or anything, our suffering is more like Doritos, malt liquor, tobacco, or something like that. Our mortal souls are the junk food for the Elder Gods. 

Most folks who study the meta-occult would, of course, avoid the Elder Gods, they're obviously bad news; but it is necessary for personal advancement and mutation to face the worse odds to grow and thrive. It sucks, but we all gotta do it. Most folks go through this process without even realizing they're being slowly gluttonized by these so-called Space Bankers, the Elder Gods from some horrid nightmare realm out in the boonies of space. 

While in Chile last month, I spent a great duration of my time communing with these hideous and blasphemous Elder Gods, specifically, the Old Gods of Chile; the Elemental deities who have long ignored in their own homeland. In retaliation for this, They beam down the hottest, most grueling sun rays, and shake things up with the occasional quake. In all honesty, this sucks, and I spent a good portion of my mental powers just trying to calm them down. I feel as though I was able to find an equilibrium with these angry old gods, and find a way to share my Slack with them.

JHVH-1 was of course, around, but He was hardly any help (as usual). What a pain in the ass though. Like, if anything, Ol' Jehovah Prime made things worse! As usual! Jehovah was challenging my very existence, flaunting my various ailments in front of me, making me incurably ill during my time in South America; but I prevailed! (Just barely, but a win's a win, you know?)

Ovalle, Chile

That's not to say that deepest darkest Chile isn't beautiful. Although a majority of my trip was filled with grief and pain, there were good times and beautiful scenery to be enjoyed. Chile is a beautiful country to behold, really. There are so many different climates to enjoy, the air is crisp and clean, and the food is especially delicious. Chileans are bread eating people and if you're ever in Chile look for a bakery that sells "Doblados", which is folded bread filled with lard. That's the tastiest ingredient of all! Eat lard until your arteries and veins all explode, that's what I say!

Chilean breads and snacks

I could go on and on about the food to be honest, but I'm a sucker for a good sandwich. At the airport in Santiago, I had one of the best sandwiches of my life. Appropriately named Until the End of the World, this sandwich was the stuff of dreams for me. A fried fish (hake) sandwich, with lettuce, Chilean salad (tomatoes and onions), tartar sauce, on nigella sesame bread. Delicious. So simple, but delicious. I plan on recreating this sandwich at some point. The fish is fried tempura-style, so it's light and fluffy. 

"Until the End of the World"

Upon my return, all my pains returned with me. Maybe spending a month stressing about life and death, drowning my sorrows in lard-filled bread and fried fish sandwiches wasn't particularly good for my health. I was extremely fatigued, to say the very least. Additionally, I was unable to fall asleep. This is fairly common for me so I reached for my reliable cure-all, a combination of weed, red wine, and melatonin! I call this concoction Wielatonin, and it always does the trick! Normally, a solid dose of Wielatonin will wipe away any stubborn consciousness I have in my system and leave me within the warm, Slack-filled embrace of anti-sobriety. Sigh, sweet bliss. 

But this was different, the pulsing in the back of my brain was booming harder than usual, and after a dose of Wielatonin I found myself in that liminal space between unconscious and consciousness. This twilight realm where I am super aware that I am and what my body is trying to accomplish, but true rest was not an option that night. I found myself hearing voices.

The pounding in the back of my brain was now a steady beat, and this beat danced with the voice in my head:

"Space Alien 15", Alien Clipart

"Greetings [Jellyfoot]. We have chosen to sound like familiar voices so as not to scare you. These voices are the ones you hear regularly from that [podcast] you enjoy.We have chosen you to be our Emissary and to bring a New Message to your world! Please listen to our.." 

And the very nanosecond I heard that, I said nah. I shook myself awake, rolled out of bed, and stumbled my way to the bathroom where I splashed cold water on my face. I'm good, honest. I'm super good. I don't need to be the Emissary for some unknown force, and I don't need to know whatever this New Message is. I'm fine, I got other stuff on my plate to be honest. These forces, whatever they are, they can find another patsy. 

Billiken-1, God of Things As They Ought to Be

Besides, I'm already an Emissary! I am a student of J. R. "Bob" Dobbs! I'm the High Exalted & Most Beloved Grand Poobah of my own Monastery where I exalt Billiken-1, daily! I am in no need of any "cosmic message" or whatever. 

J. R. "Bob" Dobbs

Honestly, "Bob" is better suited to deal with cosmic horrors and space messengers, I'm happy with my bit of spiritual work as it is thank you. I'm just a humble cultist, and I don't aspire to be anything but, for now. 

My accidental part in meme history (whoops)

 So, back in the early 2000's I used to hang out in a bunch of online groups. Early social media stuff like LiveJournal, YahooGroups (formerly eGroups), MSN Groups, etc., and I really enjoyed sharing spooky or weird images on those platforms. I would use most of the popular search engines at the time (Alta Vista was a personal favorite because I felt like most people weren't using it) and do my best to find stuff that was just odd to look at. 

In my circle of friends at the time, we didn't really use the word meme (we knew it but mispronounced it usually as "me-me"), and instead used the phrase "image virus", which came from an artist online who became somewhat famous for his "HTML Image Virus" trend. At some point the term memes became more prominent and "image virus" slowly dissipated into obscurity. 

About a month ago (or over a month ago) I was  contacted by a person who was a part of a investigation group trying to find the origins of the famous "Jeff the Killer" image that was used for creepypasta stories. An earlier version of that Jeff image, apparently called "prettyFace" was an image I recognized from nearly 20 years ago because I do remember finding it in one of my searches and sharing it around. This person who contacted me told me the shocking news that he had found me after a lengthy search online and by his own research says I may have been the first person in the West to share this image outside of Japan. I was of course shocked. 

As usual, "Bob" was right, "The stupider it looks, the more important it probably is."

I will admit, I didn't really connect the prettyFace image to the Jeff image at all. Maybe because they're so prominent in the internet zeitgeist, at least for me, that I just got used to them. I do recall there being one or two other images alongside the prettyFace image, but that might also be my own faulty memory. I found it on an image board of some kind where a bunch of images were being shared. At one point I may even have had those images but that was several computers ago. 

What I find interesting is that the YouTuber BlameitonJorge is once again circling around my interests. He has already mentioned the Church of the SubGenius, The MayDay Mystery, and now this. I feel like one day I'm might have to reach out and say hi to the guy 😆

To be fair, I don't know if I am the first person in the West to share this image. When I saw it floating around I thought folks just found it the same way I did. If it was me though, what a ripple effect. How funny that a dumb image I shared on a dumb message board somewhere would come back to haunt me after all these years. 

I hope the folks investigating find the origins of the image. Like a lot of the world mysteries I'm sure the answer will be incredibly mundane, but it's never about the destination it's about the journey. 

Here are some links if you want to understand this whole thing:

BlameitonJorge video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVAie3i18SA

TheGamerfromMars video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lF_8Tj00x60

Lost Media Wiki article: https://lostmediawiki.com/Jeff_the_Killer_(lost_original_unedited_image_of_Creepypasta_character;_2005)

And there will come... A REBRANDING

So I did that thing where I forgot to update this blog again. If you follow me on social media you know I've been around, but I've been busy with preparing to move and take other steps in creating a new life for myself. I'm at that age where I can sort of feel the cold embrace of Father Time clasping onto my shoulder as if to say, "hurry up and live while you still can". 

With so much changing in my life, like the way I take care of my health, where I live, and my plans for the future, I felt I should really begin that inner weirdo I've been suppressing for most of my life. I've been holding myself back creatively because I always found myself trying to please others, and ignoring my own wants. I don't have many dreams or goals I want to accomplish, but the few that I have are deserving of my attention and I'd like to shoot for them while I have the time to.

I've even renamed myself within The Church of the SubGenius. I am now Rev. Dr. Jellyfoot. It's taking my pals a while to get used to my new moniker, but they'll come around I'm sure. 

In the future, this blog's name will change as well (for like the third or fourth time). I do have some things I want to share here, photos, and interesting experiences but I think I'll save that for another day when I have more to say about them. Actually I'd like to share more of my collection like in an online gallery or something if I can figure out how. Maybe I'll finally give Instagram a shot. 

It's scary but also a little exciting to be going through so many new things. Last year I thought I wasn't going to live long enough to see my birthday, but this year I'm filled with new zest and an appreciation for life I've never had before. Things are looking up and I'm finally learning how to balance all the elements of my life. 

The End Times started when the universe was created

Stuff sure does seem dire. The pandemic is still going on, there was an attack on the US capitol by insurgents, there's a freak snowstorm going on in Texas, and the new presidential administration sure feels like they're dragging their feet to get started on anything important (like stimulus checks for example). It's all so very dreary if I'm honest and even the fleeting instances of real positivity or hope feel both intangible and insincere. 

But we stay hoping for a better tomorrow where we'll be liberated from this constant state of nihilism and despair. Nothing is meant to last forever, even the worst of times give way to patches of goodness that we can rest upon. Stability is a liar that we should not rely on, and chaos remains the only reality we can find any peace within. So, I guess it's all good the way it is. The End Times keep chugging along and all we can do is hold on while the ride is in motion. 

There is serenity in Chaos.

Seek ye the Eye of the Hurricane. 

 

Our leaders will always fail us, this much has always been true. Oh sure they get lucky here and there, but ultimately we live in a constructed reality that they try to control. Do your best to shrug it off. As far as I know we live but one life in our currently form, so do your best with it. We all surf the Luck Plane to our own skill, and hopefully we don't wipe out too often (but you will wipe out from time-to-time).

No one knows what's really going on, least of all me. I just try my best to pay attention to the important parts and keep my friends as close as I can. So far I have lived a very blessed and fortunate life. The best remedy for the constant dreariness of life I feel is to have as much fun as possible and enjoy the little bits of joy as they come along.

Speaking of which, this year has started out pretty good for my collecting. I, at long last, have my very own Blurp Ball (minus the projectile), a Boglin figurine, and Agent 346 from the kids anime Cocotama (which has been an emotional support show for me these past few months), and a Burger King toy based on Barnyard Commandos. I also found this funny pig-flasher figure at a Salvation Army. No idea where it's from but it's kinda rad. 

But I don't just collect toys and figures. Not that I've ever really talked about it on this blog before but I also collect blessed and cursed objects. Toys are just easier to get if I'm honest. Thankfully, I have good friends who help me out whenever I need weird stuff in my life.

My recent acquisition of a blessed object comes from my wonderful friend Sara, one of the hosts of the great Two Witches Podcast. Two Witches is mainly about the study of synchronizations between the hosts and their relationship to the paranormal and to Mother Joseph. It's all really fascinating stuff and I really recommend it. 

So, Sara sent me a box filled with amazing stuff. Little brick charms (one with my name on it), stickers, a serial killer coloring book, but more importantly I was given an actual brick made by the Hidden Brick Company.

So I'm still learning about the significance of these Hidden bricks, but they mean a lot to Sara and her fellow podcast host Andrea. 

Hidden bricks carry a lot of history and a good deal of magic as well. I don't talk much about magic and the occult, even if I do consider myself a cultist of sorts, but mostly I don't speak about these things because there are so many misconceptions on what magic and the occult actually are. I don't want to be a part of the muddling of terms or give the impression that I am some sort of authority on the matter. 

There really is something about these bricks though, and their connection to Mother Joseph. I really look forward to learning more with the Two Witches as they continue to investigate and share what they uncover.

Another interesting item sent to me in the same box from Sara was a zip locked bag with the words "YOU HAVE BEEN CURSED" scribbled on it with a marker. The zip lock bag contained these items; a comic book entitled JOSHUA, by Janice.Click, some stickers, and a tiny tiny jar with a little dead bug in it. 

If you go to Janice.Click, you'll see it's the website of a filmmaker and artist who makes some seriously eerie stuff. I love it. The website describes this style as horror-cringe, which totally fits my aesthetic in horror. If you want to check out some of this creators films, check out their YouTube page there's a lot of fun and interesting stuff there, especially their trailer for the upcoming MCMURDERER.

And lastly, I will share with you guys something that arrived just yesterday. My membership card to one of the most mysterious and illusive secret societies in the known cosmos. The one that really pulls the strings behind all global events! THE MOVIE CLUB!

The Movie Club, a subsidiary of The Attic Dwellers, is a group of guys (Eric and Tig) who watch movies, discuss nostalgia and pop culture, and just share the love of movie watching. It's a fun time, and they do a lot to engage with their followers on both YouTube, Twitter, and other social media platforms. 

And if I'm totally honest, it feels pretty good carrying around a card like this again. It vaguely resembles an old Blockbuster card, and each card is individually numbered. I am member #0027!

I guess that's all for now. Until next time. 

A confession? Death looms over us as Eris giggles

Death is so distressing. Like, it's probably not the worst thing that could happen to a person, but it's might be the second or third worst. Death has been looming over all of us since the moment we were conceived, and the moment we were both we were filled with the hopes and dreams of our families of what we could potentially become in this world. I guess that's kinda like fate if you squint hard enough. Some of us follow that road and some of us shrug it off and go our own way. Some folks ignore responsibility while others do their best to uphold it. But eventually we all end up in the space place. 

Death has been on my my mind ever since last November when a good friend of mine passed away on my birthday. I never really shook it off, and honestly it's probably going to haunt me forever. A month after she passed away I went on a month long trip to the Philippines where I experienced life in ways I never thought I could. And when I returned to the US, there was the looming pandemic; something that I heard about while in the Philippines but never considered it could follow me back to the states. 

One of my turtles  recently died due to a freak accident. We only had Princess Mary in our lives for a few years, and I did my absolute best to take care of her but when I realized what had happened it was too late. This only happened a few weeks ago and I'm still dealing with the loss.

Recently, my grandfather (my mom's father) and my father both fell into some very complicated health issues due to their advancing ages. They're both in their 90's and it shows. They're clearly not the men they once were and it's both heartbreaking and frightening. Watching them and how they suffer now is like staring death in the eyes. 

And lately, my heart has been giving me trouble, and it feels like the circulation in my body has stalled to a near halt. I'm stressed, and filled with anxiety. I've worked all throughout the quarantine period in a very tiring overnight job. The pandemic left my city in a state of purgatory. For weeks as I traveled to work by public transport I didn't see a single person. The death toll kept rising but I kept going to work. It's the stress of that period plus the possible deaths of my father and grandfather that are really starting to weigh me down I feel. I feel like I may actually die this year. 

But I'm sure we've all tripped over that thought recently. This year that the Conspiracy calls "2020" is of course programmed to make us feel that way because it's been so fucking awful! These are not the End Times we were promised by biblical prophecies! Where are the demons, angels, and hot ladies riding three-headed dragons! THIS IS THE BULLSHIT END TIMES BECAUSE IT'S ALL SO DESOLATE AND LONELY! 

I wanted the end of the world to look like GODZILLA KING OF THE MONSTERS dammit! Where are the monsters? The angels and demons? Have they also abandoned us?! Why does 2020 have to be the loneliest year! Everyone is in isolation, quarantined and on their own! 

I'll tell ya why it has to be this way; this is still the preshow of things to come! The world, maybe even the universe, is challenging us to a fight and we have to make sure that if the world ends it ends the way WE want it to, not THEIR way! We may very well be just mere snack food to horrible cosmic monsters, but fuck it all, it's time to start living. They don't want it that way, but fuck'em. Those pricks. 

One reason 2020 is currently terrible is probably my fault though, if I'm honest. I may have tampered with forces I barely understand (again) but I had the best of intentions this time, I swear! 

As a SubGenius reverend, but also a practicing Discordian, I was at a point in my life where I grew tired of the amount of normalcy piling up on me on a near daily basis. Everything was all so boring and humdrum I had to try something. So as a follower of  J. R. "Bob" Dobbs, I decided it was time to quit my job. It seemed like a good first step.

But then I tried something else to supplement that... 

So on New Years Eve of last year, I prayed to Eris of Discorida. I asked her to make 2020 an "interesting year" and to create "new experiences for all of us. And, well, all I can say is "whoopsies". I was spending time with my family and friends in the Philippines and I felt like adding a bit of spice to the upcoming year. Had I known then what I know now about it all I probably would have hesitated; hindsight is "2020" after all.

Eris must be having a bit of fun with us. Or maybe she's just flirting with JHVH-1 again. Whatever the case may be, we're all paying the price and I guess I was one of the conduits for all of this discord. Again; whoopsies. 

So if I'm part of the problem, I guess I'll have to figure out how to fix it all. I mean, how hard can that be? And besides, maybe everything will work out just fine. 

Just fine... 

Guimo Revelations: The Billiken Connection

So several night's ago I had a very vivid dream about what seemed to be a sort of personal revelation of my higher-self, which is of course Billykin. This character acts as my personal avatar, higher-self, astral form, guardian angel, and is to me 

I'm fairly certain that this image of Billykin and Billy-Can't comes from a novelty postcard, which I am currently hunting for. I found this image while researching on the various kinds of Billiken novelties that were available and the smile and pose of Billykin really stuck with me so much so that I chose him as my avatar for any and all online forums and social media outlets that I use. I adopted him as a personal mascot. I love this image of him happily taking a dump in a chamber pot  while he smiles at Billy-Cant't who is struggling. These two are definitely aspects of my inner life and reflect two of my major moods; happiness and distress. 

"Billykin", my chosen avatar, is a parody of "Billiken", a novelty toy god created in the early 1900's. It's origins are fairly complex but basically Billiken was a very popular novelty statue and doll. I first learned about Billiken through The Church of Good Luck, which has a phenomenal amount of information on the entire history of the character and it's creator. It's a wonderful archive and I believe if you're interested in this sort of obscure pseudo-religious good luck novelty (like I am) you should check them out. The Church of Good Luck isn't rebellious religion of mockery, like The Church of the SubGenius is, and it does take itself somewhat seriously. 

The creator of Billiken was a follower of New Age thought and believed she was a Japanese woman in a previous life, which is amazing because in Japan Billiken is still quite popular in Osaka and there are many statues and novelties dedicated to him. And believe me, if there's any place in the world I'd love to move to forever, it'd be Osaka. It's a beautiful place and I do love Japan with all of my heart. 

To be honest, Billiken has been following me for years. I've had many dreams about the character and I do feel like there's something it's trying to teach me. Billiken's title is "the God of Things As They Ought to be", which means he's the god of dreams, but also good luck and fortune. I live in my dreams. This so-called reality we wander around in is without question some sort of prison of our own collective making, but in our dreams we can fly free. Billiken is the anthropomorphization of that dream reality for me. 

So dedicated am I to this strange god I even carry a pocket piece of him everywhere I go. This lucky coin is from the era from when Billiken was at the height of his popularity and I managed to snag it at a fairly decent price. I don't actually put much faith into trinkets like these, but I do enjoy them and their kitsch quality. 

It's a weird road I traveled to discovery Billiken, and eventually that my cosmic soul was Billykin in nature. I studied with Unarius, then discovered the SubGenius, then Discordianism, which led me down a strange, strange rabbit hole of researching other deities. All of this really helped me get a handle on my own life and learn things about myself that I was too afraid to confront. We all carry baggage, and these sorts of studies and mind exercises help relieve some of that burden. 

So, in any case, about that dream I had a few days ago. It's been stuck in my mind for days so I thought I'd share it here. 

GUIMO DESTROYS AND CREATES THE WORLD AND ALL THINGS THEREIN BY TOTAL ACCIDENT BUT ALSO ON PURPOSE

In some hire realm, I was some sort of  flying, fat cherub angel baby. I was my Billykin avatar, but with tiny wings. I guess this place I was in was supposed to be heaven, or some facsimile thereof. I was eating a banana and I tossed the peel over my shoulder. And even though I was flying, I slipped out of the banana peel and fell out of heaven. 

My crash landing on the earth was what killed all the dinosaurs, save for a few that survived. The crash also helped create the very first cryptids and monsters that still wander the earth to this very day. I also lost my wings and I couldn't flutter around anymore. Dang.

While trying to repair the earth I somehow created of automaton robot super droids to build the continents. The impact of my landing nearly flattened the whole planet so there was a lot of work to do.

When the world was reconstructed, and the leftover dinosaurs, monsters, and cryptids were safely tucked away in their own natural habitats, it was time to introduce this new world to some human beings. This, of course, was my greatest folly. 

Humans were created using fish, specifically the great fur-bearing trout, and letting them soak in Mutan Generating Ooze (Mutagen). 

The end result of all of these is what you see before you now. All the cryptids are in hiding, some dinos still wander around, and the monsters are nowhere to be found. Humans, of course, make things worse for others. But that's too broad of a generalization and I refuse to take it to heart. 

And this was a dream of course. Just something for me to think about as it also reflects something within myself. It's not some sort of hidden cosmic truth. 

Or is it?!

Things to Come: How should one feel about this whole mess...?

I found this Jack Chick Tract on my way to work the other night and the title keeps bouncing around in my brain; "Things to Come?"

Who even knows anymore. 

The levels of uncertainty surrounding our current pandemic situation are so high we may as well be in the End Times. And who knows, maybe this is the first step towards just that. A grand reboot of our world. Nature has already taken notice; there have been reports going around of animals reclaiming and returning to places where they were once chased off by so-called civilization. Maybe we should remain an underground dwelling society of quarantined half-people, only emerging from our dwellings for food and toilet paper. 

A few days ago I had to take a trip into Manhattan to get a few things. What an eerie experience. I had joked around to wanting to do something like this earlier last month, but when I actually had a chance to experience it for myself it was just too heartbreaking. NYC is a ghost town. Giant ads and billboards are still flashing about, but there's no one there to see them. Weird. 

That day when I was in Manhattan I decided to walk from Penn Station to my destination instead of taking the subway. I thought maybe the trains would be running on a weird schedule, and I'm not sure how clean they might be right now when we're all trying to be so sanitized during this germaphobic time. 

My walk downtown was fairly brisk. There was very little traffic, and I counted seeing maybe less than 100 people while I was out. All my favorite locations were closed though; Forbidden Planet, Strands Bookstore, and other shops were closed down with letters on their doors expressing sadness but hope that they'll be up and running in no time. Seeing this really got me thinking about how different things will be after, and if, we survive this pandemic. 

What I mean is, the world is already so much different from when I was a kid. After 9/11, there was an explicit shift in the world. The internet changed, how news was presented to us as a medium changed, and the thin line between governance and authoritarianism definitely became more defined and noticeable. Even our civil liberties and way of life have been poisoned by a world of capitalism without any restraints (but the beginnings of that happened a few years before 9/11 so...). 

I just wonder how new horrors our nihilistic culture will breed. We already depend so much on the wealthy elite for the crumbs of survival, and now so many people are expecting them to bail us out. It's depressing and all too predictable of consumer culture. 

So far, food isn't scarce yet, and we can all still go out and get the essentials needed to survive. I've been using my Y2K Survival Book for simple planning and ideas on what to buy. My kitchen has never been as full of stuff like how it is currently. I'm actually kind of mystified by all the supplies I was able to get by not losing my mind and buying only exactly what I need. The last thing I want to do is inhibit the survival or even the creature comforts of someone else.

This whole thing could have gone so much better, and maybe thousands could have been saved if our so-called leaders weren't godless idiots. But that's what happens when idiots are voted into office; you get idiotic situations like we're in right now. I don't feel that there's a government on earth that took this situation seriously at all, and that is of course predictable. I don't even understand why people bother to pretend that any government official has our best interests at heart; they want us all dead. Well, maybe not all of us, just enough of us that maybe certain resources can be recuperated, and anyone who survives can continue paying taxes.

I remember hearing about this virus when I was in the Philippines back in January I think, so there was plenty of time to plan and prep for it. While I was in the middle of volunteering during all that volcano nonsense I had to go through, I remember there were people talking about how scary it could get, and when I left that country I let out a sigh of relief because I was leaving an active volcano and a killer virus! 

What's funny to me is how some people are joking that this "simulation" is out of whack and they'd like to return to the real world. This current situation IS the real world; a daily battle for survival. What we had before was a protective bubble where we could live a safe life of work, play, and consumption. 

Everyone is trying their best to stay positive during this time by treating it like how things were before, but maybe a lot more people should realize that this is how things are around the world, even when there's no pandemic going on; resources are low, politicians lie, people stab each other in the back, and every day you just wonder if you're going to make it through it all to live another day.  

Life is a lot more cruel than maybe you've ever considered because maybe all you do is live a patterned life and you've just never noticed how rotten it can all be. 

It would be wonderful if we could just quarantine the whole world for a while and just let this virus rot away, but I don't know if that would help. There's no land in sight, so to speak. I feel like this journey is just starting and we may still have a long way to go. It's scary actually, and maybe we should be treating this pandemic experience with more reverence. 

At this point, just try and make peace with it all. Seriously. Just take a moment to breathe it all in, take what precautions you can, be careful, and don't be afraid to tell your friends and family how much you love and care for them.With idiots at the helm guiding this ship towards an iceberg that I hope we never hit, that's really all we can do. If you can, stay indoors. If you're an essential worker (like I am) don't take any stupid chances. 

Everything might get better, but live everyday like they won't. 

Spinning through the abyss in search of worth

Although I would love to invoke some sort of ancient and esoteric wisdom for this post, I honest to "Bob" can't think of a fucking thing. My Pococurante brethren would be very upset with me indeed. 

Currently, I am getting over a powerful and abnormal flu that I've been battling for what feels like weeks now. It's been awful, but today I made a breakthrough; I have finally regained my senses of taste and smell. For a while everything just smelled like iron and metal because my sinuses were filled with blood, and all food was somewhat bland. Needless to say, compared to yesterday I feel like a million dollars today. 

In my sickness I found myself reflecting on my current physical and mental state. I have been unwell for years. Depressed, cynical, out of shape, and far too lethargic to give a damn about my own well-being and quality of life. My academic failures really brought me down as well. I was in a dark place late last year especially, and I am still in the process of recovering from those dark thoughts that entered my mind. Because I was so sick recently because of this horrible flu, I felt more trapped in my head than usual, and I think you know what I mean. I was unable to breathe properly, sleep properly, my bones and muscles hurt, and I could barely speak or swallow my food. My body was transforming more and more into a prison. 

So there I was, swimming in the abyss of my own thoughts what this meme appeared on Twitter. I haven't seen "Avenger Endgame" yet, but I already know all the spoilers. This really struck a cord with me, and even without full context I found it profound. 

Thor had become fat and depressed and did not feel as though he was still worthy of calling upon his magic hammer, but, he was wrong. Even though he hated himself for failing to kill Thanos, Thor was still very much worthy. It could be the case that I've possibly misjudged myself as well. 

I'm not certain as of yet of what actions I will take to start rebuilding my future, but there are a few things I have to consider. I guess these are the foundations for my current future. 

• A return to college with the intent of graduation
• A near one month expedition to the Philippines this December - January
• A true attempt at weight-loss because going to the Philippines in my current form may very well kill me. 
• Attempt to find a second job to finally pay off my debts. 
• Lastly; to try and become certified in something dealing with media production. 

The quest for Slack is not one of laziness. To reach the equilibrium I desire I have to make some critical sacrifices and work inhumanly hard to find that zone where I can finally live at peace with myself.

AFRIKA PSEUDOBRUITISMUS

I was introduced to this prolific and wonderful artist via Dobbs.Town, where he and I are both citizens. I purchased two of his albums off of Bandcamp and they're both excellent. If you're looking for music to play during your next invocation, exorcism, or incantation, why not give Afrika Pseudobruitismus a shot? 

"KUSO" (Exclusively on Shudder)

"Kuso" is a wonderfully disgusting metaphysical anthology film about the denizens of L.A. after a horrifying earthquake left them in a oozing purgatory where maybe they were better off dead. Everyone is mutated to some degree, the world they live in is now filled with demons, monsters, aliens, and interdimensional bastards. 

In all honesty I hadn't felt this alive while watching a movie in YEARS. And I did finally watch "Mandy", but that this film really spoke to me on an ethereal level. My DNA has been altered, my chakras disjointed, and my akashic records are so jumbled they don't even matter anymore. 

I love this movie, and I hope to one day shake the hand of the person who directed it.

I found a toy shop in my neighborhood!

Toy collecting has gotten more difficult in recent years. Kids don't seem to like toys like they did in my generation growing up. It feels like they've been replaced entirely by video games and apps. And now that Toys R' Us no longer exists here in the US, finding any sort of toy store is basically a novelty. I live in a remote area in Queens, and it's pretty barren here. One cheap bookstore, no clothing shops within walking distance, and the nearest supermarket is about a mile away. But! I did happen to find a large pharmacy houses a respectable selection of toys in its basement! 

It's like an oasis for someone like me. Not that I can really afford to splurge on such luxuries these days, I still find it comforting to know that a mere twenty minute walk can take me to this beautiful place. They have new items, and older items. A huge selection of Legos and construction toys, action figures, dolls, and even weird novelties. 

These "Fartist Club" figures are beautifully sculpted. I may pick up one or two for my shelves.

I did end up purchasing a discount package of Gormiti figures and a Trump splat ball. No regrets.

The Bug Ladies of Marvel

And while we're talking about toys, I should share these as well. A local comic shop (one of a few left here in NYC) inherited a bunch of wacky-tacky 90's action figures and I was fortunate to get a few. Bride of Venom, Silver Sable (with Beetle Buster), and a very strange Wasp figure with a robotic wasp sidekick/armor. 

More comics headed to storage

As I continue my sad task of packing up my things for storage, this particular batch hurt the most. Some of these are my favorite old comics. For the sake of space though, it has to be done. 

Recent additions to my toy shelf

I'm happy that Pogs are back in the form of Retro Kaps. I just had to buy the tube.The McDonald's Avengers toys were an accidental purchase, honest. I somehow ended up going for fast-food a few times over the course of a week because of certain errands, so I figured why not. I don't expect to buy anymore though. As as always, my favorite figures are my collection of cheap plastic dinosaurs.  

Museum of Sex, NYC

Now this was a magical experience. Sexual positivity is something that has lacked in my life, and this place has filled that void for me. I even reconnected with an old friend while there. Genuinely a beautiful place. I can't wait to go back someday soon.

Coney Island

Right before I got sick I took a trip with the family to Coney Island. It's still a nice place even though it's even more of a tourist trap than ever. It was nice seeing remnants of Astroland while there too. 

Kick Axe, Brookyln

I'M GOOD AT THROWING AXES! Seriously, I'm a savant. I want to go back to this place all the time and get better. I need bigger axes to throw!

Japan Village

Lastly, my friends and I took a trip to this massive complex filled with different shops. It's a really wonderful use of the space there, and I really loved Japan Village. There was a market, different restaurants, and of course crazy Japanese snacks! Brooklyn really is filled with fun places these days.

Until next time dear ones.